Why We Must Fight For Our Joy, Now, More Than Ever

Sunday evening before bed, my youngest daughter was talking through her upcoming freshman walk-through—an event offered to rising high schoolers to help them become more acquainted with their new school. As we conversed over the subject, she made a comment about making a good first impression. My quick response back was “You don’t need to worry about that, because you’ll have a mask on.” I continued saying, “I mean, what’s the point? I don’t even put makeup on currently to walk out the door because no one can see my face.” This is where my daughter, wiser in years than age, spoke up and put me in my place. “But mom,” she said “you don’t put makeup on for other people. You put it on because you enjoy how it makes you feel.” Her response stopped me in my tracks. She was right. I’ve always said it’s a part of my creative process and that I do my hair and makeup for me. It isn’t about anyone else. Why was I succumbing to this mentality with something I enjoy?

Had I Become Complacent To Joy?

As we headed up the stairs, and readied ourselves for bed, I pondered her comment noticing other areas in my life where I have become lackadaisical in my thinking while taking up this “What’s the point?” mindset. I’ve done it with the food I put in my mouth, the exercise I choose—or don’t choose—to partake in, going shopping for back-to-school clothes (or any clothes for that matter) and taking time for myself. I mean, really, when you can’t go anywhere and life appears canceled everywhere, it’s easy to fall into the rut of throwing on some athletic gear, pinning your hair on top of your head, plopping down on the couch, and having your family follow suit. Because, what’s the point?

Was I Letting Loss Win?

As I laid in bed contemplating this pattern I’ve fallen into and weighed my reality with my daughter’s spoken truth, I realized another phenomenon. The Covid19 pandemic has put me back into a perpetual state of loss. A place I know all too well. A place I don’t want to go back to. And yet, it’s hard not to. As I reflected on it all this is what I realized, I’m once again experiencing the very real and traumatic effects of loss. I’ve lost my sense of safety and security. I’ve lost trust in my advisors. I’ve lost any semblance of a schedule and/or the ability to plan accordingly. And possibly the greatest loss I’m experiencing right now is being able to be with friends and family without weighing the potential outcome of making that choice.

Add to my losses, those I feel for my kids and it’s no wonder I feel so stuck. For the last several months, I’ve watched as activity after activity has been taken away from them. Their school year came to an abrupt conclusion where good-byes and fun end-of the-year activities didn’t occur. And now I’m watching the numbers rise and schools contemplate whether to open or not. Sports are being canceled, the arts are shutting down, and my kids miss their teachers and friends. This is all loss and it’s a big deal! Because loss has devastating effects on the brain. And this isn’t something I take lightly.

If This Is War, How Do I Fight It?

As one who spent many years struggling with depression and unable to cope with life as a result of severe trauma and loss, I recognize what is happening. We are at war! And if we aren’t careful we will lose the one thing we need to fight this war; our joy.

When good things are taken from our grasp, we fall into a place where we surrender ourselves to a victim mentality (i.e. what’s the point?) and accept a lie that says we are not worthy of good. When we think this way, it becomes a belief. And when we believe something to be true, our actions soon follow suit. In this place we are zapped of energy sitting on the couch, bored, sad, and gaining weight. At least I am. And sadly, it doesn’t just affect me, it affects everyone around me. As I thought on this it hit me, we have to fight for joy! We have to fight for it, not only for ourselves but for our loved ones as well.

Yesterday, I had a horseback riding lesson. Though my kids take weekly lessons, my husband and I only have two scheduled sessions a month. This was part of our family’s solution to the world shutting down earlier this summer and part of my personal plan to get our family used to being around horses—since I dream of owning another one someday. Now in Tennessee, the weather is becoming increasingly intolerable. Over the last week our temperatures have remained around 90 to 95 degrees with a heat index of about 105. To say it is miserable is an understatement. After going for a walk at 6:30 a.m. and sweating profusely Sunday morning, I debated canceling my husband and I’s session. But I didn’t, because right now those two lessons a month bring me joy—even in the stifling heat.

Is Joy Worth the Work?

Seeing this truth—that sometimes the things that bring us joy can be miserable in the moment—and recognizing my current complacency it dawned on me, joy isn’t something that comes as a product of life being easy and at our disposal. Joy is something that comes as a product of our work. Joy is something we have to fight for especially in the face of loss. Loss often occurs outside our realm of control. But, joy is actually something we have control over, if we are willing to put in the necessary work. For example, I may not want to exercise, but the long-term benefits outweigh what I feel in the moment. Writing my book is another example. It was difficult work and, in the moment, it was anything but fun. Seeing two years of cumulative work come together over the last few weeks, however, has brought me joy. Decorating my house is another example for me. Because again, I often fall into the same victim mindset. It’s a lot of work to decorate my house and I find myself questioning does it really even matter? Yes! It does matter. Because this is something I actually enjoy but so often forget because I’m focused on what is hard, as opposed to the feeling I’ll receive when it is over. So, in essence, to not actively work toward something that brings me joy is, to allow it to be taken away from me. And this is the last thing I want!

So today, I'm getting to work. Because there are things I want to do. Things I haven’t had the energy for, because I’ve allowed my circumstances to overtake my thinking and thus my joy. But it stops here. Recognizing this ripple effect is the first step.

The Bible tells us there is a thief that comes to kill, steal, and destroy but a God who comes to give us life (John 10:10). Friends, let God awaken inside of you. Don’t let the thief of life steal your joy. Our minds are powerful and we must fight for them, because everything is at stake.

So what’s it going to be? Are you going to stay stuck? Or are you going to take back control and fight for your joy? I’m implore you to fight. Because you are worth it.